Friday, October 31, 2008

I HAD A DREAM

Last night I had the damdest dream of my life, but I have attributed it to the very rich French dinner we had last evening. I started with a wonderful lobster/crab bisque soup, a great salad with raspberry vinaigrette dressing, and then the best chicken crepes covered with melted gorgonzola and b├ęchamel cheeses. As I write this my taste buds are still reeling, thus it is no wonder I had a dream last night. Surely, my cardiologist back home is twitching, because that meal is surely not on my approved menu. Enough background, on to the dream.

The election was over, and Barack Obama had been declared the winner. Immediately the main stream media NBC, CBS, ABC, CNN, MSNBC, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, and The Washington Post declared the winner ‘THE GREAT LEADER’, and predicted grand and glorious things for the country. Then President-Elect Obama, or BO, announced that he had received a mandate from the people. He failed to mention that was due to the assistance of ACORN and their questionable voter registration tactics, and that over one million illegally registered voters were included in his vote totals. ACORN was the group that received millions of dollars in earmarks from then Illinois State Senator, and later U.S. Senator Obama.

After publically accepting the will of the voters, Obama (who from now on will be referred to as TGL-The Great Leader) met with Senator Harry Reid D-NV, and Representative Nancy Pelosi D-CA to plan a world-wide tour of foreign capitals to meet and greet the various leaders prior to Inauguration. That trip would take place using both Air Force #1, and #2, which outgoing President Bush had offered as a good-will gesture. Off they went on their round the world tour with numerous plane loads of working main-stream press consuming thousands of gallons of expensive jet fuel. The fuel consumption was not an issue of concern, because increased usage would result in decreased supplies, thus increasing the per-barrel prices for TGL’s good friends and illegal campaign donors in Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates, Iraq, Iran, Nigeria, Russia, Cuba, Venezuela and China.

While sunning themselves, and enjoying the lavish hospitality of Vladimir Putin at his sea side home on the Black Sea, TGL and The Cozy Couple, Reid & Pelosi, (to be referred to in the future as TCC) hatched up the idea that it would be a great to totally convert U.S. highways and roads from driving on the right side of the road to the left side. This switch would show TGL and TCC’s great love of the European Lifestyle and way of doing things, not to mention the irony that the left side would now be the “right” side of the road. Additionally, the change would provide the opportunity to reinvigorate the American automobile industry, because it would be required by government edict to make cars with the steering wheels on the right side. All citizens with automobiles over five years in age would receive a government check of $10,000 to purchase one of the new cars that cost at least $25,000 each.

The three brain surgeons were totally gleeful thinking about the trickle down impact of their new plan. The government could provide the states with millions of dollars to install all new signs (in dual languages), and many jobs would be created to make the signs, paint the roads, and teach people to drive on the left side of the road.

Almost immediately the United Nations met and unanimously passed a resolution of their total support and admiration of this plan that indicated that the United States finally was joining their way of thinking and doing things. Additionally, upon hearing of this resolution, TGL and TCC agreed to provide amnesty for all unpaid parking tickets that UN Representatives had accumulated over the years of service in New York City. The Mayor of New York, not a Democrat, screamed like hell, because he was giving up tens of millions of dollars in potential revenue with this benevolent action.

After the Inauguration, TCC presented the necessary legislation to both Houses of Congress and it passed with 100% of the Democrats voting yes, and 100% of the Republican minority voting no. So America started driving on the left side of the road, and the immediate result was nothing short of mass slaughter. Thousands of accidents occurred on the first day and within the first month almost one-hundred thousand U.S. citizens were killed. TGL and TCC held an emergency meeting and announced that the government would immediately require free driver training for every citizen holding a drivers license. What ever it cost no one cared, because it benefited mankind. ACORN exploded, because the legislation did not include coverage for the illegal immigrants, or the illegal phantom voters who ACORN planned to charge the government for their re-training.

Key leaders of the ACLU were hospitalized with heart attacks, because they were overwhelmed with grievances from Community Organizers across the country. Immediately funeral directors were having a field day with the sudden increase in their business nation-wide, and the future business prospects appeared to be unbelievable. Unfortunately, they all suddenly made over $250,000 and thus fell into TGL’s increased tax bracket, which prevented them from hiring more people to address their growing workload.

Pork barrel dollars flowed freely from Washington, because every donor to TGL’s campaign wanted a piece of the new revenue stream. Money flowed so fast out of Washington they had to increase the size of all the U.S. Mint operations across the country.

Despite all the training and spreading of pork across the nation, business for tow trucks, ambulances, and attorneys was thriving. Hospitals were full, putting a further strain on Medicare and Medicaid, and the insurance companies were deluged with the number of claims and payouts.

The Europeans and Japanese were beside themselves with laughter because they already manufactured autos with right side drive and could easily increase production. The US manufacturers were forced to re-tool and that took a lot of time. By the time they were ready (thanks to Union interference) there was hardly a market remaining for US made cars. TGL and TCC were in a political pickle, and the entire electorate was furious. The United Nations passed another resolution praising the vision of TGL and TCC for their efforts to create a world-wide village. The U.S. Treasury was totally bankrupt, but TGL held a prime-time address to the nation to tell everyone to have HOPE, and CHANGE was coming once the citizens opened their pocket books further and sent him a check.

The main-stream media hardly mentioned this entire story, but Fox News was wall to wall with live shots from the scene of accidents across the nation. The FAA grounded all News Choppers due to the fact that mid-air collisions occurred in seven major cities. Hospital choppers had been given special air corridor clearance, because there was an increase in crashes with them, too. Chaos rained across the fruited plains.

A blue-ribbon Committee was immediately formed to recommend a corrective course of action. Appointed to this group were Senator Larry Craig R-ID, Cong. William Jefferson D.LA, Senator Ted Stevens R-AK, Rev. Al Sharpton, Rev. Jesse (I’ll cut his nuts off) Jackson, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Rev. Father Pflager, William Ayers, and his wife Bernadine Dohrn. This group was to travel to the left-lane driving capitals of the world with their spouses and staff with a report due to TGL within two-years. All expenses would be paid by the American taxpayers.

In the meantime, former President William Jefferson Clinton was named Roving Ambassador (without portfolio) to investigate sexual perversion in the under-developed nations. Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton resigned her Senate Seat, and was appointed Ambassador to Outer Mongolia with a promise to be nominated to the Supreme Court once one of the Jurists croaks. This astute action by TGL got the Clintons out of his hair and Washington immediately.

At that point, your Commander woke up, and that was a good thing. Thank God it was only a dream, but what do you think the possibilities are of it really happening?

COMMANDER GRANGER

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